Recognizing Unhealthy Interpersonal Dynamics in Mission-Driven Organizations

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People don't come to the nonprofit sector because they want to do harm.

Most of us arrive because we care deeply about a cause, a community, or a vision of a better world. We believe in service. We believe in justice. Most importantly, we believe that our work makes a difference.

Every day, millions of people choose careers in mission-driven organizations because they want to make a positive impact on the world. They believe in serving others, strengthening communities, and creating meaningful change. It is deeply rewarding work—but it is also emotionally demanding.

That combination creates extraordinary workplaces. It can also create environments where, in some organizations, unhealthy interpersonal dynamics are difficult to recognize, acknowledge, discuss, or address.

A Disclaimer Before We Continue

The nonprofit sector employs roughly one in 10 workers in the United States. Like any sector of that size, it includes people with a wide range of personalities, experiences, and motivations. Most people enter the nonprofit world because they care about making a difference, and many unhealthy behaviors come from stress, burnout, fear, trauma, or learned coping mechanisms rather than from a desire to harm others.

At the same time, it would be unrealistic to suggest that every harmful interaction is unintentional. In a sector this large, there will inevitably be a small number of people who are manipulative—individuals who knowingly use deception, guilt, or control to serve their own interests.

However, they are the exception—not the rule.

This article focuses primarily on the more common patterns that many of us can fall into, while acknowledging that intentionally manipulative people do, unfortunately, exist.

What is Manipulation?

Before we go further, it is helpful to define what I mean by manipulation.

For the purposes of this article, I am using the word manipulation to describe behaviors—not people.

Most of us have likely engaged in manipulative behaviors at some point without realizing it, especially during periods of stress, burnout, or fear. The difference is not whether we have ever done something unhealthy; it is whether we are willing to recognize it, take accountability, and change.

For example, a staff member who tells their supervisor that they can't work this weekend to work on a grant proposal because they have other plans, and the supervisor responds by saying:

"I guess I'll just cancel my weekend plans and do it myself."

The supervisor may not be trying to manipulate their direct report. They may simply be overwhelmed and communicating poorly.

Yet the result is the same: the staff member feels guilty, responsible for the supervisor's emotions, and pressured to say yes instead of making a genuine choice.

The impact matters, even when the intent wasn't malicious.

How Mission-Driven Cultures Can Normalize Unhealthy Behaviors

Mission-driven organizations are often built on values like compassion, sacrifice, service, generosity, and equity. These are beautiful values.

However, these same values can sometimes make it easier to overlook unhealthy behaviors within an organization's culture.

• When someone reminds us how much the community needs us, we may feel guilty for taking a vacation.

• When funding is uncertain, we may excuse disrespectful communication because (well, everyone is under pressure).

• When someone has dedicated decades to the mission, we may hesitate to question behaviors that make others feel small or unheard.

Sometimes those explanations are valid. But sometimes they become excuses that allow harm to continue.

Caring deeply about the mission does not mean we should accept unhealthy ways of treating the people who carry that mission forward.

Common Ways Unhealthy Influence Shows Up in Nonprofit Organizations

Manipulation is not always obvious. It often appears through everyday interactions that slowly shape how people communicate, make decisions, and understand their own value within an organization.

1. Using the Mission as Leverage

The mission is the heart of nonprofit work. That is what makes this particular form of unhealthy influence so powerful.

Examples might sound like:

"If you really cared about the people we serve, you would do this."

"The community cannot afford for us to fail."

When the mission is used to pressure people into compliance rather than inspire shared commitment, it turns something meaningful into a tool for control.

2. Creating Guilt Instead of Collaboration

Healthy organizations invite people into problem-solving. Unhealthy dynamics rely on making people feel responsible for someone else's emotions or circumstances.

Examples might include:

"After everything we've done for you..."

"I thought you were more committed than this."

Guilt can create short-term compliance, but it does not create trust, engagement, or sustainable commitment.

3. Using Scarcity as a Management Tool

Nonprofits often operate within real constraints. Funding challenges, limited staffing, and overwhelming community needs are genuine realities. However, scarcity becomes unhealthy when it is repeatedly used to justify poor treatment.

Examples might include:

"We cannot expect things to be different. This is nonprofit work."

"Everyone has to sacrifice."

Resource limitations are real. They should not become a reason to normalize burnout, disrespect, or inequity.

4. Withholding Information to Maintain Control

Transparency is essential for healthy organizations.

Withholding information, keeping people intentionally uncertain, or sharing information selectively can create dependence and limit people's ability to make informed decisions.

A culture where people feel they have to guess what is happening is not a culture built on trust.

5. Triangulation

Triangulation happens when someone avoids direct communication by bringing another person into a conflict or disagreement.

Examples might include:

"Everyone else agrees with me."

"I heard that people are frustrated with you."

Rather than creating opportunities for honest conversation, triangulation can create fear, division, and mistrust among teams.

Why Good People Sometimes Engage in These Behaviors

It is important to acknowledge that unhealthy behaviors do not always come from unhealthy intentions.

Nonprofit leaders and staff members often work under enormous pressure. They carry responsibility for communities, employees, funders, and organizational survival.

Fear can make people controlling.

Burnout can make people reactive.

Scarcity can make people protective of information and resources.

Past experiences can shape how people respond to conflict, power, and vulnerability.

Understanding why someone behaves a certain way does not mean excusing the behavior.

Compassion and accountability can exist together.

We can recognize someone's humanity while still saying: This behavior is causing harm, and it needs to change.

A Moment for Self-Reflection

While it can be easy to recognize these behaviors in others, meaningful change requires looking inward as well. Ask yourself:

• Have I ever made someone feel guilty for setting a reasonable boundary?

• Have I ever implied (even unintentionally) that saying "no" meant someone cared less about the mission?

• Have I ever used urgency or emotion when transparency and collaboration would have been more effective?

• Have I ever avoided a difficult conversation by involving others instead?

• Have I created an environment where people felt they had to prove their commitment?

Self-reflection is not about shame. It is about growth. The goal is not to become perfect. The goal is to become more aware of how our actions impact others and to build healthier ways of working together.

The Firebrand Challenge

The challenge is simple: notice what we have been taught to tolerate. Notice where urgency has replaced communication. Notice where guilt has replaced collaboration. Notice where commitment to the mission has been used to justify harm toward the people carrying that mission.

Then ask yourself a harder question: What role do I play in either reinforcing or interrupting these patterns?

Creating healthier nonprofit cultures does not begin with identifying the person causing harm. It begins with each of us examining how we use our own power, influence, and voice.

Final Reflection

The nonprofit sector is full of remarkable people doing deeply meaningful work, and that is precisely why these conversations matter.

Recognizing unhealthy interpersonal dynamics is not about labeling people as good or bad. But here's what it is: it's about creating organizations where our values are reflected not only in what we do for our communities, but in how we treat the people beside us.

Healthy nonprofit cultures are not built by pretending difficult dynamics do not exist. They are built when we have the courage to recognize unhealthy patterns, address them with compassion, take responsibility for our own behaviors, and create environments where people do not have to sacrifice their well-being to prove their commitment.

Because the way we care for one another inside our organizations ultimately shapes the care we are able to offer the communities we exist to serve.